Doubled Down This Week
/I imagine, like me, many of you have been taking in the news of the world this past week or so.
Ugh. It’s hard to hold it all. Invasions. Missiles. So many over the years of my time on the planet.
And when these bigger conflicts arise I have the urge, deep, to do something.
Anything.
I notice more anxiety lurking around the recesses of my mind and a bit more jumpy irritableness. It’s hard for me not to feel helpless.
Being one small person.
That said, a few days ago, feeling stumped on what to do, and a bit antsy, I walked down to the river. Through the red willows and blackberry brambles to the small sandy beach and sat myself down.
I asked the river what to do.
I waited and listened---and then found myself reciting the loving kindness meditation softly out loud.
Including the river in the incantation.
Including Putin and the Ukraine.
As it flowed from my heart, to my throat, to the swirl of a breeze rocking the water, I had a moment of seeing that a small but meaningful “doing'' would be to grow, even a tiny bit, a greater awareness of how I treat myself and others.
To recognize the invasions I create, the missiles I launch, the tangled webs I weave that are full of conflict.
To double down on pausing before I open my mouth or press send.
To take three slow deep breaths.
To move my body.
And especially to do the witnessing and being with my inner life with compassionate curiosity again and again.
To tend those parts of me that hold the patriarchal constructs that continue to wound. To turn conflict into compassion.
To acknowledge my part and parts and to aspire to shifting unhelpful energy into love.
So I have. Double downed this week.
Slowed down a bit. Stiller. A little quieter in the outer world as I access my inner.
A bit more upheaval rises to the surface to be held, as the Siletz River, with three inches of rain in three days became turbid, murky brown, wild and plumply over the banks full.
Mirroring the larger landscape.
Or something like that.
And how is it all landing in you?
What are you be/doing that is supportive and caring and perhaps edgy and deep?
As we navigate these murky waters together. Take a breath. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze a caring hug. Send some love to someone today. Smile at a stranger. Call someone and share what you appreciate about them. Plant a tree. Listen. Again. Organize a sacred circle to dance, sing, mourn, grieve and love together. Pause and drop into the moment as fully present as you can be.
Thinking of you. Sending bundles of love and care,
Carol